Living With The Memories Of Domestic Violence: Red Flags

I didn’t know who to trust. Who I could talk to.. Who would keep my secrets for me? I was lost in a world spiraling out of control.. The only person (I thought) I could lean on to express my emotions; was my abuser.

Never in a million years did I think I would be the person in a domestic violence situation. In High School, I was in Air Force ROTC, sports, the chess club, hard working, outspoken; chyyy you name it all! All while remaining humble of course! I was just really out here being me. I’ve always been a free spirit.. I’ve learned over the years, it’s made me more vulnerable to “Energy Vampires”

When I got accepted to Fayetteville State University it was kind of shocking. Honestly I wanted to go to UNC-Greensboro & didn’t want to go to a HBCU only. I had the opportunity to visit UNC-G during a college tour and loved it! I applied but didn’t get accepted πŸ˜– and continued my pursuit for a higher education.

I ended up going to Fayetteville State University and got settled in with my awesome roommate and new college friends I adored! **Shout-out Alert**

Once I got there, I started burying myself into my school work. Admittedly, for a while I started on strong in my freshman year. You know, going to class on time, turning in work, etc. But then I started to get a taste of “freedom.” Eventually, my time wasn’t focused on my work, but focused on what the plans were for the evening?! That’s why I always encourage the teens heading off into the new world of college to stay on top of their work! It’s okay if you want to have fun, TF ITS COLLEGE; you just need to be on point with your school work! I advise you to stay safe and make responsible decisions. I didn’t realize what the old heads were saying back then. They we’re telling the truth to us on so many levels but we wanted to show how “grown” we were.

Anywho, one day I was in my dorm room studying, second year in college, when I overheard the conversation of fun πŸ˜–πŸ˜‚ A few of my good home girls were thinking about walking around campus to scope the new eye candy! I knew I had a massive amount of school work to catch up on… Failing high school sweetheart situation.. SMH Everything in my soul told me to be responsible.. SMH I decided that would would try to squeeze my school work into my schedule at a later time to enjoy the madness πŸ˜‚ It was always a good time when we got together and we intended to keep it that way! Mind you, I was just coming out if a “high-school sweetheart situation” too.. I just wanted to see the new pool of fish at the pond of “Whatever I’ve been missing out on.”

It was a dark-skinned, pretty teeth, charming yet flashy fella riding through the college’s main road. His hair was freshly cut and his line up was clean! Gold necklace shining… We locked eyes immediately.. It was like he saw us walking and had a mission.

He had a really clean, well maintained Lincoln Town Car that was appealing. Pearly whites, seriously dark tented windows.. I had already mentally erased his best friend from the passenger seat and placed myself into it! Lol

He came off really amazing at the beginning. We entertained each other for a while. I even helped him back to health when he got shot at a popular nightclub (he told me he was going to bed). He showed appreciation for my loyalty.

He was involved with the serious street life, he obviously had an off switch when it came to communication. He knew all the right things to say to me and I went happily into this new bliss. Back then, he was what I was looking for to get over my past.

As time went by we became closer than ever. Long ass phone calls.. Messaging all day.. Everyday I would meet up with him, we would leave off campus, and we would hang out, talk about life, sports, EVERYTHING seemed so perfect. I really could tell he was feeling the vibe we had.

I was craving the attention I was receiving because my ex really didn’t show me the affection I needed. He wouldn’t come visit me. He wouldn’t speak on the phone with me. He had just gotten himself a new apartment so I guess he was too busy breaking it in when I really needed him most. Soooo, let’s just say, I was taking everything this new fella on my radar was throwing my way!

One day, about 7 months into our fling. I decided to go to a basketball game on campus. I didn’t tell this fella I was talking to that I was going because I didn’t feel the need to tell him. He was acting strange and I needed “girl time.” I felt smothered by him now. Texting me while in class, unlimited calling, sitting outside my class buildings daily… Uggggh, I was in college doing my own thing why should I ask permission to go to a game? I was enjoying my life.. Two, we never made anything official. I wasn’t entertaining anyone else, but he was for sure.. So I put my big girl pants on & started to claim my life back by having fun… Without him..

This made him really upset with me! I left the Cafeteria and went straight to the annex gym with friends and enjoyed myself! I met new people from campus and was really having a good time! I finally get a chance to put a charge on my phone (I had a raggedy Keyocera flip phone that wouldn’t hold a long charge) At my college homegirls apartment. The phone could of damn near blew up.. I started to receive all types of crazy texts & menacing voicemails. I told my friends and showed them everything.. All I wanted to do was hang on campus with some friends, just to hang out, and enjoy a basketball game! I didn’t feel like going straight back to the dorm room after dinner. I just didn’t understand why he became so angry.. I grew increasing uneasy inside seeing his angry face in my mind. His eyes… They become so cold when he’s angry..

As I’m preparing to head back to campus; he continuously calls my phone threatening me to come back to dorm room. He had been sitting outside my dorm parking lot; waiting to see me come in. He claimed he was waiting to make sure I made it inside safe. He also claimed he wanted to have a conversation with me.. Off campus..

In retrospect, I probably should have listened to my homegirls when they were voicing their concerns. They didn’t want me to leave and were very worried for my safety because of the messages left. Me being young, dumb, and claiming to “Know It All” reassured them that he was just talking shit & was worried about me. They wasn’t buying it.. I was more so convincing myself though..

I fucked up my year academically; so I’d gotten my car taken away by my parents! At least until I can pull up my grades. My dorm was just across the street and a 5 minute walk across campus. Stupidly, I set out towards my dorm around midnight. The whole time I’m walking I’m defending my honor, vagina, and everything else. He believed I was leaving another fellas apartment. A “College Nigga” as he would call them. He felt one day I would meet someone better from my college and leave him.

Remembering who TF I was.. This pissed me OFF! I WASN’T USED TO THIS VERBAL ABUSE! Im a lover, not a fighter.. I finally made it to my dorm and he pulls up beside me and asks me to get in his car. I was hesitant at first but after he cut on his charm, clever words, and lightened the situation… I got in. Strange thing is, while I was outside being convinced one of my homegirls ended up walking towards the dorm. She checked with me and made sure to tell the story of the night in his presence. His friendliness changed then, I just didn’t recognize the signs. He increasing asked me to get in the car. My friend whispered “Just go inside” as she hugged me to leave.. (And I planned to) I didn’t use better judgement.. I should of left with her then. I still regret the decision to “talk it out”

Initially, I got in planning to explain the rules and boundaries of the relationship. This warranted a break. I wanted out. He was just something new, no plans to attend my college, and we both understood weren’t together. I’ve never had to deal with a situation in this manner before. Light arguing, but never anything disrespectful or derogatory. Before I can even close the door, he punched me in my face and wrapped his arms in mine. I try to unlock the door as he’s driving off. I try to fight back but his punches are heavier..

We are still intertwined riding down Murchinson Rd., Fayetteville,NC. I’m screaming, crying, and pleading but he is in a fit of rage. He’s calling me derogatory names so his driving becomes more dangerous with each hit. I eventually give in as we pull into Mount Sinai apartment complex parking lot.

We spent about 30 minutes there arguing. I was now at his mercy. He liked being in control. This is not my hometown. I had no idea where I was; I knew I wasn’t too far from the dorms to walk.. I didn’t care.. I had to get AWAY! The first chance I got. I took it.. He stepped out the car to use the bathroom..

I get out the car & I start running away.. Running for dear life away from this lunatic. I see a woman walking up the street. She sees me running & screaming for help but she just turns the other way and jogs away. I’m a horribly embarrassed that I’m even going through this situation. I’m that moment fight-or-flight kicked in.. But I never got to use it because I was literally football tackled… Full speed… Full pressure.. I could not hear.. My ears are ringing horribly.. I’m bleeding… Still dazed but trying to not allow him to get me back into his car.. The commotion seemed so silent.. Nobody bothered to help.. You can surely see the cracks in the window blinds though.. smh

Why did he feel this sense of entitlement over my life? The audacity of him to put his motherfucking hands on me. To draw blood.. Where was he trying to move me to? I really don’t know what happened when I blacked out a couple times. I have no idea what time it was.. But I fought long and hard to stay conscious. I didn’t want to die. We we’re literally just riding around Fayetteville.

I came to in his parents driveway still in the car. I’m literally in deeper shock because this shit wasn’t a dream… He looked like he had been crying; when I opened my eyes the apologies began. He claimed to love me and didn’t know how to process his love. He denied me going back to to campus. He wanted me to stay at his house for the night. I just want to get back to my dorm room. Away from his fuckin crazy ass.. I wanted to contact my family but I had no idea where my phone was. Still never turned up..

I slept in his bed and he slept on the couch in the living room.. It was a really uncomfortable night. I went back & forth with disturbing his family and telling them what happened. I didn’t want to be there. I felt like I was being held hostage.. I was exhausted, swollen, and sore.. So I just laid down. For some reason his actions seemed like he’d done this before.. It seemed calculated.

The next morning he took me back to my dormitory and I didn’t tell a soul. I was too embarrassed. I basically went to 1 class and straight back to my dorm. Often times, I could see his car sitting in the parking lot from my classes. (Red flags I ignored) I definitely saw him twice that day. I wasn’t trying to relive the night prior.

I wasn’t expecting my homegirl (who walked up on us talking before everything took place) to see him punch me before he rolled up his tinted window.

To Be Continued….

#TrapHairCare: Determining Your Hair Type

This Week Kicks Off The Official Beginning Of Our Natural Hair Care Journey Together! With The Pride And Courage From My Supporters, I Cut 2 Inches Off My Hair.

My Ends Are Completely Rejuvenated And My Natural Hair Is Neatly Layered βœ‚

THAT HURT MY FEELINGS… SEEING ALL MY STRUGGLE—GONE WITH A SINGLE SNIP! Do You Know How Long It Took To Learn My Hair Joys/ Woes?

You May Feel A Little Uneasy.. You See A Little Length In Your Hair… But It Isn’t Looking Voluminous Or Healthy. I Suggest You Either Trust A Licensed Beautician, A Truth-Worthy Cousin With A “Growing Hand”, Or Check Out This Video On YouTube From One Of My Favorite Hair Guru’s iamKeliB For How To Properly Trim Natural Hair! Make Sure You Like & Subscribe For Wonderful Natural/Protective Hair Care Tips!

You May Already Be Going Into The Trimming Situation Feeling Some Type Of Way. But Man Listen, When You Get Those Naughty, Unruly, And Down Right Disrespectful Ass Coils Out Your Hair; It Will Thrive!

I’ve Been Really Enjoying The #KittzMail You Send In With Your Questions. I Feel Like Im Always Giving Y’all Props 😘 But I’ve Got To Be Honest With You.. I’m No Damn Beautician πŸ˜‚ So Schooled Heffas Don’t Come For Me About My Untraditional Methods Of Getting Dolled Up, Okay? I Think I’m Going To Call It #TrapHairCare 😩 I’m Still Earning My Wings 😳😁

I Just Go For What I Know And Keep It Moving… And The #SerumSnatchers Surely Take Notice… #InspiringHatersSince88 πŸ’― #InspireNationBombshell

“Everything Doesn’t Work For ERRBODY! You Have To Take Notes, Here & There, And Apply What Speaks To You– TO YOUR LIFE!” -MochaKittzSays

Ok, Ok, So I’ma Shut The Hell Up With The Rantings And Get To What #AllTheFuss Is About With This It’s Just Hair Challenge πŸ‘Œ



The Types Of Natural Hair

  • Straight
  • Wavy
  • Wavy-Curly
  • Kinky-Curly

Straight Hair

1A (Fine): Hair Is Absolutely Straight From The Root To The Ends. This Hair Type Is Very Rare And Will Not Hold A Curl. THIS Type Of Straight Hair Is Soft And Shiny, But Thin And Wispy. It Is Very Easy To Manage And Style, But It Often Needs A Little Bit Of Lift At The Roots. A Hairstyle We Recommend For Fine Hair Is Swept To The Side β€” For An INSTANTLY Sexy Look That You Can Blow Dry. Make Sure To Get A Hairstyle With Layers, For An Appearance Of More Depth.

1B (Medium): Since it has a bit more volume and body, medium hair can be very easy to manage. A Sleek Ponytail Is The Perfect Candidate For This Look, As It’s Thick Enough To Give The Hair Some Style, But Not So Thick That It Breaks Rubber Bands In The Process. This Sophisticated Look Can Be Worn ANYTIME.

1C (Course): This Type Of Hair Is Usually Stick-straight And Difficult To Make In Waves or Curls, Instead Coming In With One Or Two visible β€œS” Waves. Long And Layered Is The Way To Go Here, Otherwise It Might Be A Little Too Hard To Handle. This Is The Most Resilient Of All Straight Hair Types, But It’s A Bit More Difficult To Manage, Because Of It’s Thickness. Take Advantage Of It’s Resilience And Wear It Long And Parted In The Middle.

Wavy Hair

2A: Your Waves Are Fine And Thin With A Loose, Tousled Texture.

  • Your Lack Of Volume And Definition Means That Products Can Easily Weigh Them Down And Strands Can Become Straight So Use Lighter Styling Products Like Mousses And Gels.

2B: Your Hair Is Mostly Straight At The Roots And Falls Into More Defined S-shaped Waves From The Mid-lengths To The Ends. It Is A Medium Texture With Some Frizz At The Crown.

  • Plop Your Freshly Washed Hair For More Definition.

2C: Your Waves Are More Defined And Start At The Roots, Than With Curls And Ringlets. This Texture Is Typically Thick Or Coarse, And Is Prone To Frizzing

  • Diffuse Wet, But Not Soaking Hair Upside down After Washing For More Volume.

Wavy-Curly Hair

3A: You have big, loose curls and spirals similar in circumference to a piece of thick, sidewalk chalk. Your curls tend to be shiny, with a well-defined S-shape.

  • Twirl small sections of curls around your finger while hair is still damp to encourage definition.

3B: Your springy curls can vary from ringlets to corkscrews. They are voluminous and have a circumference similar to a Sharpie marker. Type 3b hair tends to be coarse and dense.

  • Use an anti-humectant (humidity blocking) styling cream or styling milk for less frizz but more definition.

3C: This type often is referred to as curly-coily and tends to be very dense, tightly packed corkscrews that are the circumference of a pencil or a straw. Type 3c hair tends to experience the most volume, but also the most shrinkage of curls.

  • Gently enhance and safely stretch without heat using a twist-out, bantu-knot out, flexi rod set, or perm rod set.

Kinky Curly Hair

4A: Your dense springy coils are either wiry or fine, and have the circumference of a crochet needle. They are tightly coiled, with a visible S pattern.

  • Use thicker natural emollients like mango and Shea butters to maximize your wash-and-go, twist-out, or bantu knot-out style after washing.

4B: Instead of curling or coiling, your hair bends in sharp angles like the letter Z. The curl is tighter and less defined – about the circumference of a pen – with strands that range from fine and thin to wiry and coarse.

  • Pre-poo with coconut oil or castor oil to help retain natural oils in your scalp.

4C: Your densely packed hair is similar to a 4b, but experiences less definition and more shrinkage. The tightly coiled strand texture ranges from super fine, thin and soft to wiry and coarse. It is very delicate.

  • Use a creamy humectant as a leave-in to maximize protection from the elements.


Still Don’t Know What Your Hair Type/Texture Is For Sure? Chy, When I First Started Learning About My Hair It Was Informational, Tiring, And Shocking! So I Feel Your Struggles If You’re Still Confused! It Took Me A While To Find Out My Hair Has 3 Textures In DIFFERENT Blended Spots! Yessssss Via Licensed Beautician For Natural Hair:

The Front Half & Right Side Of My Hair Is 4A & 4B (Makes My Silk/Lace Wigs Look So REAL πŸ˜‚ #TeamEcoStyler) Literally Looks Like It’s Coming Out My Scalp WITH My Edges 😍 (Not Bragging, Just Blessed πŸ™ To Found A Strong Protective Hairstyle)

  • And The Center Of My Head Is 4A-4C! #StoryOfOJ πŸ˜‚

Can YOU Remember A Time Trying To Use The Wrong Products For Your Hair? Yes, Complete And Certain Frustration! You Ever Used A Product That Works For A Particular Part Of Your Head Before? βœ‹πŸ˜‚ Can’t Get The Results You Like At All? Blended Textures Could Be Why! On The Other Hand, You May Not Have Had All The Extra Headache I Did Because Your Hair Is Pretty CONSISTENT! Lol

Once You’ve Cleansed The “Naughty Coil Ju-Ju’s” 😎😎 Check Your Email For This Week’s Daily Hair Growth Regimen. Now Is The Time To Start Training & Telling Your Hair You Love It! No, Not Literally (Although I Do Talk To My Hair– As If It Were A Plant 🌹) But Speaking Into It Life By MAKING Sure Your Hair Is Moisturized, Free Of Build-Up, And Always Thriving! The Time Is Now, To Rejuvenate Your Antennas πŸ“‘

If You Haven’t Signed Up To Receive EXCLUSIVE Hair Care Regimen Emails, Please Submit Your Name, Social Media Username (For A Tagged Response If Applicable), And Anything Else Under The Sun β›… To: MochaKittzKittz@Gmail.Com

As I’ve Stated Before, I’m Only Posting General Information About Hair On Rantings of Mocha πŸ‘‘πŸ’„If That’s What You’re Here For, Thank You So Much For Stopping By!

But My Doll Babies #InspireNation Will Get A Newsletter Via Email Of MY BEST Slay Secrets, etc… Blah, BLAH, Blahs πŸ˜‚<== (When You Catch Writer’s Block Mid-Sentence 😰😭 Hey, I’m Honest) πŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ Come On, Push Through And Join The Mysterious World Of #InspireNation!

Chyyyyy, See You Next Time! Don’t Forget To Subscribe, Comment Your Feedback, & Share This Article From Rantings of Mocha!

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πŸ’«πŸ’«Find A Star In My Cosmos And Search Through My Latest Posts By Clicking Here! Thanks Again For Stopping By In My Galaxy! Please Contact Me If You Are Interested In Brand Ambassador Services, Features & Collabs On Youtube, Clearance To Use My Videos (Kudos Or Roast), And Much More By Contacting Me Through My Business Email: RantingsOfMocha@Gmail.com Book Me Today For Venue Appearances, Motivational Speaking Conventions, And Anything Artsy Under The Sun… Or MoonΒ πŸŒ›πŸŒœ

INTRODUCTION TO WEIRD CHICK CHRONICLES: A AESTHETIC TESTIMONY OF DISARRAY πŸŒ πŸŒ 

I refuse to start this poem like “Take Pity On Me,
Remember when I realized “Chocolate” and “Red Bone” ain’t the same thing,
And I wondered why they picked on me,
Treated “Red Chicks” like royalty…

The “Weirdly Cool” Lame Chick Mocha Kittz

Excerpt of “Preambled Perception”

 

I refuse to start this poem like “Take Pity On Me,

Remember when I realized “Chocolate” and “Red Bone” ain’t the same thing,

And I wondered why they picked on me,

Treated “Red Chicks” like royalty,

Laughed and called us “Baked Beans”,

Went home like “Ma, Can You Explain This To Me?”,

She like “Baby… The World Ain’t Always What It Seems”,

“…Your Dark Skin Comes Queens.. Way Across From Foreign Seas…

But Through The Days OUR Society Exploits​ ‘The Red Band’ Wagiiiiin’…..

And Since I Got You Here Let Me Tell You About These F*ckin Men. …..πŸ•’πŸ•’… .πŸ•“….”

Damn Ma…. WHY the F*ck you talking so much?

I mean, how the F*ck these people always judging so much?

Could it be my destruction is their very f*ckin clasp?

Who am I?

……………………………………………………………….

 

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Look out Hunnnayy!!πŸ’‹ Ranting Of Mocha is starting a new series…. #WeirdGirlChronicles…. Where I will share experiences, advice, poems, short stories, and Β my take on what crazy s*hit is happening in the media world! Be sure to like, comment, and share BaBEE!